Dun read this and get on with your own life

Everyone was gone when I woke up. The white landscape before me stretched far and wide and I seemed to be trapped in the middle of nowhere. There was nothing. Complete emptiness. I took a deep breath trying to control this sudden feel of loss. What am I supposed to feel now? I got up to a sitting position and thought about my life. My sad and sorry life. I closed my eyes and it was black again. I grew more restless with this black before me and thoughts run wild inside my head. I feel a sudden urge to cry, but tears are for self-sympathy and I do not deserve any sympathy. My chest started trembling, the muscles on my neck contracting uncontrollably. There was no sound at all. All I hear was the screams in my head and myself crying all over in my head thinking about another me crying all over in my head thinking about myself crying all over in my head. The volume of noise in head was tremendous but my ear drums remained intact. I told myself to stop this madness, I told myself to stop this self-destruction but I told myself not to listen to myself. I'm trapped again. There are millions of myself inside me and sometimes I think just one you inside you is good enough. The black suddenly turned into a blinding white and the brightness pierced through my eyes. I opened my eyes and it was the same blinding light. I closed my eyes again and it was the same blinding light. And so it doesn't matter if I opened or closed my eyes anymore. I started laughing out loud about this new disability. It was so damm bloody funny that I collapsed to the ground and couldn't stop laughing. It was just so damm funny. The screams in my head grew louder. It was crazy. I laughed till my stomach cramped. I couldn't get up anymore. I wondered what more I could do with myself. I banged my head on the floor till it bled and let the blood flow down from my forehead. What is wrong with me? Why am I all alone here in this crazy place? Why do I think that I'm going mad? Is this the past or the present or the future? And when I'm trapped in this sphere, the past, the present and the future came pouring down on me. I'm trapped in this transition. This transition of fear and emptiness. Soon after, I was feeling nothing. I couldn't feel myself. I lost all senses but I could think. So maybe I'm a brain. A brain in the middle of nowhere. A bleeding brain. I wish all this would stop soon but the screams are bursting every single artery in my brain. Oh please take me away from this place. Please. I shouted out loud. I shouted out when I don't even have a mouth. Why am I so damm bloody sad? Why? Fuck. Rescue me from this perpectual brightness that is burning my eyes. Somebody get me out of here. And i know nobody will come. Because nobody can hear. Because I've cut off all their ears. So I shouted like a madman. I've finally become one of them. Those lunatic fuckers in Bedok. I've become part of that dream team. That team that terrorizes and tortures people's minds and their good state of well-being. I laugh nonsensically at people and laugh loudly at them. I gesticulate in the middle of the road, talking loudly and swearing. The mad people around me think that i'm madder than them but they couldn't remember me the next day and think that i'm madder than them. Then the mad people started to become normal. I became the only mad fucker that terrorized people. But people could do nothing to me. I was mad. I am mad. I will be. I can't even tell tell the time. And I didn't type this but I know I did. That was me typing it, not me.

I thought about beautiful music and beautiful people. I thought about movies I love to watch and I thought about things that make me cry. I thought about football and I thought about getting into fights. And then I thought about home. I thought of all the people I loved. I thought of all the people I hated and the people who hated me. I thought about myself thinking about myself.

Recall 1995

“总会有那么一天，天真的一切都得走远。。。”
This verse sounds like losing your virginity, but its meaningful nonetheless and never fails to touch me somehow or another.
I dunno why.

Try googling '浪子的童话' or my chinese name '郭靖利'.

He thinks he's V

Like how V sent millions of Guy Fawkes masks to millions of families, a NTU student, Gary, inspired by the movie (I presume) mass-mailed the entire NTU population crticizing the Student's Union and the standard of English of lecturers in the university. This, in the midst of the 3 university's neck-pulling advertising campaigns against one another. NTU may have just shot itself in the foot or maybe it's turning out to be interesting times at the Boon Lay campus.

Gary may just be the new V.

V For Vendetta

"Remember, remember, the 5th of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot;
I know of no reason, why the gunpowder treason”
Should ever be forgot."

V for Vendetta is packaged more as a credible stylish drama with big ideas and superheroes in it. V, falls between the lines of an anti-hero, a revolutionist and a terrorist. It is never clearly defined and it is never meant to be so. Depicting terrorist as superheroes these days are sensitive issues. The idea of blowing up the Old Bailey’s is reminiscent of the blowing up of the World Trade Center in New York. As explained by V, the blowing up of a symbol is iconic and symbols give people the reason to fight for freedom and stand up on their own. A psychological cue to greater things. Ideological wars have existed since the beginning of time. Religion is an ideology, politics is an ideology, even economics. The essence of V for Vendetta is the spirit of Guy Fawkes, the man who attempted to blow up the castle of the English monarch, failed and later hanged. Those who have perished are remembered for what they believe for. So much so are the suicide bombers who believed that they have a cause to fight for and what they believe in so strongly can never be replaced by mere mortality. I’ve grown to understand that wars are essential in our history.

The fact that a million and one wars existed in the history of mankind suggests that they are no mere coincidences. They are people rallying for a better future, fighting against a corrupt government, stating their case on inequality or unfairness. The wars have in fact changed the face of the world today. Violence breeds violence, as they say. But the process of violence makes people stand up and understand what is wrong with themselves. It is through a radical movement that people wake up from their perpetual dormant states of minds, consumed by the numbness of domestic rituals and conformity of economics. Like that of a Christmas paperweight with decorations and snowflakes, only a violent shake will you see activity in an already controlled environment and snowflakes swarming all over the semi-spherical object. It is like what Milan Kundera said in his novel, Unbearable Lightness Of Being, that all that was heavy and bloody in the actual war becomes weightless in our history textbooks. They become lessons and then becomes systematic answers that we memorized from the textbooks onto our answer sheets, replicated by millions more all over the world, in a hope to be the forerunners in our economically-consumed world. People will not remember Teng Kie Zin who spoke his mind in the Students’ Union forum but people will remember the Teng Kie Zin who punched the nose of the president of the Students’ Union and threw chairs at the panel. Violence is not merely a disruption of status quo. A disruption of status quo will not bring about radical changes. Only radical movements bring about radical changes. Think Thailand.

It is true that at this particular time we do not condone terrorism and murdering of innocent lives. The bad guys in our history textbooks and in our movies love to say: “These people are dying for a cause.” The good guys say: “We shall not condone the actions of these rebels.” It just got me wondering the definition of good and bad, righteous and evil. Were the good guys fighting for status quo? Were the bad guys fighting for a better future? Is it justifiable that innocent lives are sacrificed for an ideology, for a better future? Or is it justifiable that systems are not challenged to keep lives intact? Which way is better? A Quentin Tarantino bloodfest theatrics or a slow-moving Wong Kar Fai visual treat with nothing much changed in the end.

We use violence because we live in this imperfect world. We use violence because our history, our religions are glittered with violence. The crucification of Jesus Christ is such a perfect example. It is with disgust that we look at violence being inflicted on a human being yet it is the extent of the violence Jesus Christ suffered that laid the core foundations of Christianity, that Jesus died and got nailed on a crucifix for our sins.

It would be very wrong to say that peaceful methods cannot solve complex and difficult issues. It would but peaceful methods cannot wait in today’s time-strapped world. Violence gets the point across fast and direct, it also paves the way for generations to follow suit and make them understand what their forefathers have been fighting for. Violence uses deaths as its measure and the math of death is most alarming statistic in the world. Not even the math of money can compare with that.

As Random as it gets

You can refer here for more gay pictures.





Uncle and me in short hair. Wow.



OGLS for CS FOC 2006.



Recently there aren't many pictures in my blog.

Finding humour in the religious world

Many years back, a good friend and I attended catechism classes. He was a buddhist and I was an agnostic. My mother was a Christian but had little bible knowledge or faith strong enough to influence me to become the Christian I am not today. The teacher was telling us about the map of the ancient world, the itinerary of Jesus Christ when my friend started giggling. The teacher didn't know how to react to such impudence. He asked my friend was there anything wrong with the things he said. My friend giggled even more and replied: "I'm sorry, it's just me."

My friend later on told me that he wasn't being blasphemous or disrespectful and acknowledged he was rather rude. He said he just could not help it. It was a spur of the moment thing. Laughing for no reason in a Catholicism class surely meant something. As a non-Christian, I felt the immediate tension that surfaced during class. I searched for any signs of discomfort or uneasiness in the teacher's eyes.

It is difficult to associate humour with religion. Religion deals with happiness not humour. You enjoy a hearty laugh in churches but you do not burst out in laugher. You do not go about telling jokes and make a fool of yourself in mosques, temples and any religious or sacred grounds. It is simply not acceptable. It is sacrilegious. Religion is not something funny a little chuckle raises eyebrowns and suspicion. Are you laughing at my faith? Are you mocking at something I believe in? Are you ridiculing my very existence? Religion is a serious affair.

It is not uncommon that religion is made fun of. Buddha and Jesus Christ have all been the target of crude jokes, comic characters and distasteful T-shirts. This probably doesn't happen in Jerusalem or Tibet but all over the world it has become a norm. From cartoons like South Park and the Family Guy to banned movies like Dogma, religion and jokes have come a long way. Believers have grown inmune to such blunt adult jokes and have taken a lighter position of it.

The cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad have angered Muslims all over the World. I cannot recall the prophet being made fun of, so publicly, in any time of history. Why has this happened? Prophet Muhammad was left untouched while Jesus Christ and Buddha have been ridiculed throughout history. Shouldn't there be equality? Shouldn't it be the case that everyone takes turns to get made fun of? Or should these people or gods never be made fun of in the first place?

It has always been innate in humans to challenge divinity and question divinity. In this increasingly scientific-based world, more people are trying to get rid of religion, trying to challenge the artefacts and historical evidence. And so by lampooning important figures in religion gives humans the sense of superiority.

The increasing tension between the West and Middle East does not allow time for jokes about religion, especially Islam. It is not about the comics or cartoons anymore. It is about the war against the West. It is about standing in solidarity against the West and their all-conquering media. It is about Western arrogance.

The Western ideology of freedom of speech pairs up with this Western arrogance to tell people this: that everybody should concur the ideas they sell or should accept whatever they propose. Freedom of expression must be practiced with sensitivity but then again, won't that not be freedom of expression anymore? It seems to me that freedom of expression is more adequate in the political arena than the religious field. But religion and politics get entangled together in this increasingly intricate web of world affairs that has resulted in so much bloodshed and unrest. Is religion really an 'untouchable', something that can turn distratous and start wars if not properly controlled? Something not to laugh about? Doesn't religion promote inner peace and love? And why wouldn't a little humour pacify everyone and placate the angst that surrounds our world?

Humour should always be practised with sensitivity. The religious world will also be better off with priests, monks, imams with a great sense of humour to liberate this messed up world and make it seem a little lighter. The time for humour in religion has to be put on hold. The day when the Quran or the Bible in comic strips appearing in our dailies is something to look forward to. Or is that already being blasphemous?