Fingers crossed

The title stays at the Bridge for another year. It was always Chelsea's title to lose when you consider the immense squad depth and the relative health of a world class set-up of players. An astonishing 91 points with 2 games to go. 18 home wins out of 19 this season. I couldn't bear to see the celebrations as the crowd in Chijmes erupted. Those few Chelsea fans beside me raising their hands high up in euphoria. Defeat is hard to swallow. Didier Drogba was grotesque to look at. The worst part came when Wayne Rooney was stretchered off after landing awkwardly on his foot.

England collectively held their breath when Rooney stayed on the ground, grimacing in pain. The deja vu of Alan Smith's injury came quickly into mind. It was like a horror film watching England's shining knight on the floor. John Terry and Frank Lampard looked on with mixed emotions. England's World Cup hopes look to diminish every second Rooney stayed on the ground.

My version of this year's World Cup is Rooney vs. Rest of the World. I'm never a fan of England but I want to see them go far. I want to see Wayne on a one-man mission, killing off the likes of Cannavaro, Schneider, Stam, Lucio, Ayala and company on the way. The stage is set for him to conquer the world and what injustice it would be to rob him off that chance. Again, it was Rooney chasing a ball when the team's already 2-0 down. He didn't want to give it up without a fight, he didn't wanna budge but fate has its own plan.

The uncompromising character is what I believe in. I believe in fighting hard for the cause. And nothing is closer to war than football. Football is the closest thing to war. We haven't seen a warrior for a long time and Rooney is one.

The other great players do not qualify as warriors or knights.
Ronaldinho is an artist. He is there to entertain, to enjoy the game. Joy he may bring to the world but seldom you see blood on his face. Seldom you see him panting or sliding in hard for challenges. There is wizardry but there is no fire.

Thiery Henry in war is like aerial attacks. Swift, efficient and reliable. Speed and grace is very much of his game. He is instrumental in the attack and is very good to look at but somehow it doesn't seem like he's very much in the battle. Usually he just zooms past opponents.

Frank Lampard, David Beckham, Andrei Shevchenko and Samuel Eto'o all fall into the category of cultured and contemporary attackers where fitness is a key factor in their game. They are the survivors in the battlefield, outlast and outfighting their adversaries. They do serious damage albeit less spectecularly.

Defending the turf are players such as John Terry, Jamie Carragher, Carlos Puyol who guard their territories with their lives. They are the people who block the bullets and the knives and they are the ones with blood smeared all over their faces. But defending alone can't win you wars.

The old Roy Keane, Bryan Robson and Steven Gerrard are probably the midfield generals with swashbuckling styles of play and they are the probably the ones fighting with their lives in war. They are the one helping out everywhere in battle and killing on sight. They are exciting because they kill everybody, they fight even when they drop off their horses. But they probably have too much responsibility in helping out in defence which adds on to too much dirty work.

Wayne Rooney is the one who spearheads the attack and push and fight his way through. He is the one who fights man to man, four to five soldiers at one go. He falls, gets up again and fight. The British bulldog that bites off anything and charges down everything it sees in sight. In this context, he will be the best man to lead England to war. But things look bleak now.

My World Cup looks over.
I'm devastated.

In Between

After downing some chicken essence which I usually hate, I seem to be a little rejuvenated. The flu has subsided and my mind functions properly now. I sit here in the school library reluctant to start on my work, prefering to write something here which I haven't done in a long time. 3 more examination papers to go and the long break. There are probably some things i wanna do this summer (issit summer?) or maybe this bloody monsoon season.

Top of the list is to go climb a mountain and I've identified Mount Kinabalu as one of my targets.
There are many books that I want to read. I wanna finish my Unbearable Lightness of Being, I wanna read some books that I think I should read such as Love in the Time of Cholera, Diary of Anne Frank, In Cold Blood and what other must-reads that I haven't read?
I'm most probably going to get a cheap bicycle to extend my options of lunch alone in the Bedok district. I'm going to pick up the guitar again and I'm going to listen to more jazz and electronica. I'm going to pick up the habit of drinking wine. A glass a day keeps the doctors away. I'm going to read more about Ancient history, the Greeks and the Romans. I'm going to finish up 'The Crisis of Islam'. I'm going to read up more about philosophy by the early philosophers. I'm going to get a neat and trim haircut. I'm going to get clothes that fit my neat and trim haircut. I'm going to find out more about South America. I'm going to get my driving license. I'm going to relief teach and squeeze my tuition kid's mother's money dry. I'm going to have some private time alone. I'm going to find myself and fill up the spiritual void. I'm going to grab a couple of drinks with Dewei and just have a good time. I probably may go for a short trip to somewhere not too far for pure shopping and food, though i don't really fancy Thailand. I'm going to the Singapore International Films Festival to catch some shows and I'm going to watch Forbidden City and some other shows in the Singapore Arts Festival. I'm going to work out and I'm going to do sit-ups and crunches everyday. I'm going to alternate swimming and jogging every day. I'm going to get at least 7 hours of sleep everyday. I'm going to watch the World Cup and damm I'm excited. I'm going to eat at posh restaurants and sit at plush sofas. I'm probably celebrating some birthdays this coming break, Melia, Mel, Kaiyin, Jan, Fel, Cheo, a-cheng? I'm so going to learn the guitar from Benny. I'm going to do my short film competition on family violence with weixin and luq coming up. I'm going to do LEE. I'm going to meet up with Linghong, Gekleng, Yingxiang, Soontat who has always been in the top of my list. I'm going to meet up with Minxiu for some KTV or movie or swimming. I'm going to play mahjong with Cheowei and A-cheng and grab snacks at 85. I'm going to meet with Ryan, Fane and Desmond for more talk cock sessions. I'm going to meet Wenjie to give me some direction in life. I'm going to meet up with Yubing for some drinks too? I'm going to go for my orientation camps which I'm not that enthusiastic anymore. I'm going to rest. I want to. But there are so many thing I want to do. I want to meet up with my grandma. I want to meet up with Alvin and Huihui. I wanna take a break. Never have I mentioned so many names in one post. And if you had the patience to go throught that thick load of shit, you're probably someone that knows me. And I really appreciate it.

So many things to do. So damm bloody little time.

Heartbreak

若这一束吊灯倾泻下来
或者我已不会存在
即使你不爱亦不需要分开
若这一刻我竟严重痴呆
根本不需要被爱
永远在床上发梦
馀生都不会在被爱

人总需要勇敢生存
我还是重新许愿
例如学会承受失恋

明年今日别要在失眠
床褥都改变
如果有幸会面
或在同伴新婚的盛宴
惶惶的等待你出现

明年今日未见你一年
谁舍得改变
离开你六十年
但愿能认得出你的子女
临别亦听得到你讲
再见。。。

在有生的瞬间能遇到你
竟发光所有运气
到这日才发现
曾呼吸过空气

Thinking of you

难解百般愁相知爱義濃
情海變滄茫痴心遇冷風
纷飞各天涯他朝可会相逢
潇潇风声凄泣暴雨中

人海里漂浮辗转却是梦
情深永相传飘于万世空
当霜雪飘时 但愿花亦艳红
未惧路上烟雨蒙

啊 寄相思风雨中
啊 寄痴心风雨中
抱月去化春风云外追踪鸳侣梦
恨满胸愁红尘多作弄
纷飞各天涯
但愿他日重逢
夜 慢慢路上珍重

Home

This is home truly.
Where I know I must be.
Where my dreams wait for me.
Where the river always flows.
This is home, surely.
As my senses tell me.
This is where I won't be alone.
For this is where, I know its home.

Have you found your home?

When I was a kid, I only knew one home. A home that looks out for me wherever I go, albeit too closely. I never really treasured that home then. I didn't know the definition of home. It was a home where I did my homework and played with ninja turtles. It was a home where on sundays the members of that home will visit the Tanjong Pagar Lor Mee, Magicland at Marina Square and buy 4D. It was a home that was strict but safe. It was a home where people talk nicely to one another. It was a home too long ago that it became so unreal given the current circumstances. It was a home that was truly a home.

Then I found another home, a home of neverending fun. A home where people share the same passion, play the same game, speak the same language. A home that I truly look foward to going back to everyday. The sun, the sweat, the air-con, the white uniform, the astroturf, the people of the notorious gang. The people who didn't give a damm. The people who called up random girls to chit chat. The iRC years. That home was gone.

The first home then went for good. It was a slow and painful war which dragged for far too long. The people of that home never recovered, shellshocked and suffering from the aftermath of the war till now.

The second home left without me. I said goodbye to them, waving with tears, as they laughed away on their express trains.

The third home was an unexpected find on a foreign land. The lone soldier was rescued, washed off his wounds and bruises and brought back to life. The third home promised to be a good one but it lasted for just a year when national service and a fourth home tore it apart. The third home never came back. Maybe it was just a makeshift home, maybe it was just temporary. The third home has extended families and I was faced with far too many cousins that I don't know. Maybe the third home was just a coincidence.

The fourth home lasted for 2years and 9 months and it was a wonderful home. It was peaceful and quiet. There weren't many ups and downs but I prayed I was home everyday. The fourth home eventually disintegrated and it was my fault. I destroyed my own home. I destroyed a good home.

And so now I'm left with no home. Maybe I don't deserve a home. I think about all my homes now and then and wondered where it has left me. A spiritless nomad carrying years of luggage dragging his feet on this unforgiving pavement.

I need a home to rest and to be myself. Close my eyes and forget about everything else. Some confort. Yeah. Comfort.