Confessions of a Dangerous Mind Part 3
I have been feeling pretty depressed and maudlin about myself today.
4 one-hour rides on slow moving vehicles today.
Bedok to Woodlands.
Woodlands to Changi and back.
Woodlands to Bedok.
Humans shoudn't be left in solitude for long times. Cos the mind plays tricks with yourself. Somehow I was thinking of many depressing things today that made my day real bad on these rides.
So housewives sitting at home doing nothing are dormant volcanoes. They have nothing much to occupy themselves with. Cleaning up the house, buy groceries, send the kids to school and bring them back, watch over their parents.
The spaces in between.
Blank. The mind wanders off.
Recollections.
Quick bursts of excitement and joy drowned in long periods of loneliness, emptiness and sadness.
I was thinking of crazy things like :
FUCK all those people who are holding 21st birthday celebrations cos I dun have one.
FUCK my life cos my family isn't normal, harmonious or opulent enough to hold me one.
FUCK myself for being an overrated bastard all these years, disappointment to people who trusted me and thought I will go on and achive great things.
FUCK my bloody luck.
FUCK myself for indulging in self-symphathy.
It really ain't too healthy thinking of such shit. I was on the recovery of being a nice young man who will do good and get a hold of my life.
Immerse yourself in activities. Keep yourself busy always. Find things to do. Depression and sadness is like a black hole sucking you in, you have to keep up with constant pace not to get sucked in. Or you have to out-run yourself and get to the other end of sorrow.
And once you are hesitant or slump into oblivion, you'll get straight back in it.
4 one-hour rides on slow moving vehicles today.
Bedok to Woodlands.
Woodlands to Changi and back.
Woodlands to Bedok.
Humans shoudn't be left in solitude for long times. Cos the mind plays tricks with yourself. Somehow I was thinking of many depressing things today that made my day real bad on these rides.
So housewives sitting at home doing nothing are dormant volcanoes. They have nothing much to occupy themselves with. Cleaning up the house, buy groceries, send the kids to school and bring them back, watch over their parents.
The spaces in between.
Blank. The mind wanders off.
Recollections.
Quick bursts of excitement and joy drowned in long periods of loneliness, emptiness and sadness.
I was thinking of crazy things like :
FUCK all those people who are holding 21st birthday celebrations cos I dun have one.
FUCK my life cos my family isn't normal, harmonious or opulent enough to hold me one.
FUCK myself for being an overrated bastard all these years, disappointment to people who trusted me and thought I will go on and achive great things.
FUCK my bloody luck.
FUCK myself for indulging in self-symphathy.
It really ain't too healthy thinking of such shit. I was on the recovery of being a nice young man who will do good and get a hold of my life.
Immerse yourself in activities. Keep yourself busy always. Find things to do. Depression and sadness is like a black hole sucking you in, you have to keep up with constant pace not to get sucked in. Or you have to out-run yourself and get to the other end of sorrow.
And once you are hesitant or slump into oblivion, you'll get straight back in it.
posted by jingli K at 10:56 PM
6 Comments:
Actually what I wanna "comment" on I already said most of it in an email I sent you before. Just read it once in a while, if you want to.
Chill dude. Life isn't as bad as it seems. U've got a good girl and a great friend. Cherish her. Sometimes I hate myself for wasting my life around but I can't control that. I'm just stuck in some shithole I've yet to climb out.
-The Actor-
Chill man....a pleasant surprise is on the cards...
Azzurri
Cheer up, we've a lovely dnr tmr ok? Having candlelight dnr with me has got to be the next best option to a big-scale celebration.
think u are too eng liao... tatz why...
take care!
-ww
Kekeke pal pal dun f*** here n dere anymore le oh..
Cos u have evth u got n wished for...*winkz*
Really hope u had a great surprise n enjoyed e party celebration!!!
Smile smile, cheerssss!!! (^_^)
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