Sick and tired
I'm tired from the World Cup nights and I'm tired that I've to start work at 715 am at Bedok View Secondary School teaching students who have no will whatsoever to improve or break out of their own vicious cycle.
I'm tired with underachievement and my slice of bad luck in academic areas.
I'm tired with travelling long distances to school for meetings with no one interesetd in talking to me.
I'm tired of being myself and I'm tired of being someone else.
Love, football and music liberates me. At least when i'm with them, i forget about fatigue and I forget about the four walls of sadness that surrounds me, always ready to engulf me. But I'm too strong for that, really. My ego is there to feed me and I believe i'm being taken care after. I have grown inmune to anger and desperation. I may have become indifferent. I thought i would shout profanities on the lift going down but I did not. But I am angry. I'm not sympathetic at all. I believe I have lost my friendship with my mum because she is really pissing me off big time.
I came home from a movie with my empty battery handphone. I got a call to tell me I needed to go to the hospital to fetch her at 2a.m. Reason being intention of suicide. I hate being threatened. I was wondering what the hell went wrong. Throwing tantrums and right I was. I'm sick and tired of being a son.
I'm living with a time bomb waiting to swallow me with it. It burns and bruises me but it won't kill me. But bruises and burns wears a person down. Let's just pray that one day she gets it. That the whole world doesn't revolve around her.
I'm tired of being the nice guy consoling and encouraging when I just wanna rip her apart verbally.
I'm tired with the fact that that will never be possible.
I'm tired with underachievement and my slice of bad luck in academic areas.
I'm tired with travelling long distances to school for meetings with no one interesetd in talking to me.
I'm tired of being myself and I'm tired of being someone else.
Love, football and music liberates me. At least when i'm with them, i forget about fatigue and I forget about the four walls of sadness that surrounds me, always ready to engulf me. But I'm too strong for that, really. My ego is there to feed me and I believe i'm being taken care after. I have grown inmune to anger and desperation. I may have become indifferent. I thought i would shout profanities on the lift going down but I did not. But I am angry. I'm not sympathetic at all. I believe I have lost my friendship with my mum because she is really pissing me off big time.
I came home from a movie with my empty battery handphone. I got a call to tell me I needed to go to the hospital to fetch her at 2a.m. Reason being intention of suicide. I hate being threatened. I was wondering what the hell went wrong. Throwing tantrums and right I was. I'm sick and tired of being a son.
I'm living with a time bomb waiting to swallow me with it. It burns and bruises me but it won't kill me. But bruises and burns wears a person down. Let's just pray that one day she gets it. That the whole world doesn't revolve around her.
I'm tired of being the nice guy consoling and encouraging when I just wanna rip her apart verbally.
I'm tired with the fact that that will never be possible.
posted by jingli K at 3:33 AM
8 Comments:
As much as children can hate their parents (& i'm not saying there's no reason to at times), you're always their son. Only one. Sure, I hate being threatened too. It just makes you boil even more. But when you think about how helpless and desperate you mum is deep within, you just need to be the handrail she can grab on to each time she falls or tries to fall. You only get to be the son once this lifetime. Pressure's huge but if the whole world doesn't suck, we'll all fall off. ;) Hang in there kid...
Stay strong, you.
If you do need a listening ear though, there's always me. :)
Thank you again. You know why. And I'll be more than happy to return the favor. Not that it was a favor. But you know what I mean.
*hugx*
take care
hello koay : )
chill pal...
do take care & be happy. :)
take care... she needs u. Be strong.
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