Unreal

It wasn't pretty but there were positives from my little 5 day adventure. Regrettably, I have ambivalent feelings about my group, which, sometimes inspiring, sometimes disappointing and sometimes exhausting to the mortal soul. I came back feeling emotionally, physically and mentally drained but someone who understood people better and someone who squirmed out alive in a labryinth of complicated human relationships. As I trotted back home alone on the lonely MRT, facing the guy group members in front of me, I had to admit I was tired, jaded even, but I accentuated that with my depressing countenance, my mono-syllable replies and the murmuring of 'shack' repeatedly in their presence to show them i was beyond physical exhaustion.

I love my group but others have been feeding me with stuff to hate my group. I won't say my group is a bad group, it is a controversial group. Like all great football players who gets sent off in World Cup finals. They're in a league of their own. Angel, who got struck by an asthma attack could not join the rest of the group. I hate to say it, but she missed out both in a good and bad way. But the attack did her good in many ways. She could get rest and the people loved her even more. Angel is a wonderful individual and deserves to be loved, I couldn't ask for a better partner.

My role sometimes confuses myself. The fine line between just acting and reality. The ambiguity of reality. How many layers are there in the act? What is going through my mind when I'm acting? When I'm asked to play the role, do I leave clues to let people know who I really am? When I'm playing the role, do i play another role that tells people that I'm someone that I'm not. How about the other players? The other actors who are playing their roles? When they tell me they're acting, are they really acting? Or there is some truth in their animosity albeit just a little? I need to thank luq, uncle, weixin, cheryl, khaiyan, dillon, rongjun, johnson, nathaniel, jingshi and gang, darren for giving me either words of encouragement or lines to cheer me up.

I realised that I'm the reluctant actor. I reiterate that I only like to sing and I hate to act. I only act unless it's absolutely neccessary or doing someone a favour. Like in this case, I'm helping out with the camp. Or I'm acting to entertain some people to make the occasion a little lighter. Other times, I really just wanna talk about soccer, movies, life and making money. I've been pranked all my life by more serious issues like the one stated in the previous post and I've been ridiculed, shamed and hurt by the same subject so I could handle other stuff just a tad better than the rest.

After weixin left, I found myself quite bonded with kerri, marcus, xunxiang and jennifer who all gave me a hand when angel left and really relieved many of my responsibilities. After the aftermath of the human cluedo, i talked non-stop to different people for hours, explaining, apologizing, comforting, clearing doubts to both juniors and seniors. It was really quite amazing how all these drama could happen. It could only happen in SCI. Thank to my group who has given me something quite unforgettable, we had fun and we really had tears. We even had fits. But ultimately, we din care what the world thought of us and persisted. We are like Israel. We are the chosen people.

For my part, I tried my best to make everybody happy but that is rarely the case.
As I left the SCI building alone, I do feel somewhat unappreciated.